As we all know, the best way to be recognized and respected in the world is to give out awards in a lavish and self-serving year-end ceremony. I think that's what I heard somewhere.

Truth be told, I don't know this for sure. But over the last few years, it seems as though there has been a massive proliferation of award shows. And though some of them do matter, and will probably grow to have a place in the world (The Video Game Awards, perhaps?) some feel very very shammy. Like a blatant attempt to get a piece of the public's attention...essentially for nothing... Sometimes I feel like awards show organizers must on a bit of an ego trip. You throw a party where most of the time is spent listening to pretty people read poorly off of Tele-PrompTers. And for this, you expect the most famous people in the world to dress up and waste a night of their Very Important Lives? Why would any one want to do that...for you?

Here's a quick test to find out if your awards show is worth the time it takes to organize and put on:
1) Are you putting on the Annual Oscars Awards Show?
2) Are you putting on the Annual Grammy Award Show?
3) The Emmys?
4) Are you the Hollywood Foreign Press?

If you answered "Yes" to any of the above (even you, Daytime Emmys and Latin Grammys), you may have a valid claim to stage a public event for people to attend or watch at home. The rest of you better start getting around a pretty good excuse (for this year's American Associatoin of Pretty Good Excuses Ceremony). I mean...I'm sorry to break it to you, but Golden Satellites and Billboard Music Awards are little more than pretty doorstops. Please don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

Now note, I'm not saying that you can't GIVE out the awards. I'm just saying, don't try to rope CBS into televising the proceedings. They don't need another American Music Awards bringing them down (or another Tony Awards, for that matter). Maybe try giving your awards out in a nice, private ceremony. Maybe you can hold it in some cool smokey Jazz club somewhere, making it nice and intimate...an event to remember. That way, you won't need to fill up a huge auditorium with expensive gowns and tuxes and look like a pale Oscar imitator. Just a thought.

You know, they give out awards for most everything: from Top Sales Person to Most Original Culinary Creation, depending on your profession or area of interest. But usually, the organizations that give out these awards don't force the general public to care by broadcasting for everyone to see, or by prenteding to be something more important than they actually are...

Remember, the goal of giving awards should be to honor those that need honoring.

Hmmm. That sounds like the goal of this blog...

Maybe we should be giving out awards....
Yeah! That's a brilliant idea! We could get everyone to come and we can have all these people present and we couldhaveJoanandMelissaontheredcarpetI
wonderifMikeMyerswouldcomethat'dbesogreat...

...Hold on, I have to go call CBS.