I get a little long-winded in this post. Here's the Abstract: Hoodwinked comes out on DVD May 2. Go get it.

I speak now in hushed, revering tones. Because I speak now about... The Popcorn Bucket...

A local movie house does a promotion for the holidays: They sell a plastic bucket for $36. At first, you say: "What crap! I can get three plastic buckets for a dollar at the new King Dollar in the mall..." Yes, but does King Dollar throw in $20 in concession gift certificates? "No," you say, "But I could still get 48 plastic buckets for the price of your bucket, even if I use the gift cards." Yes, but can you get free popcorn refills in your plastic buckets for the duration of the winter and spring?

No?

King Dollar doesn't look so special now, does he?

Yes, you can get the bucket, usually emblazoned with ads for some supposed Holiday Hit, and every time you come to the theatre, the popcorn is on the house. After your 3rd movie, you're coming out ahead. It's a deal, trust me, plus you are the envy of the schmoes that are paying for their corn while you can get refills without even waiting in line.

Such sweetness.

The only problem is, people like me want to make it really worth it, so sometimes, we find ourselves enjoying a popcorn at a movie we normally wouldn't have seen.

Like freakin' Chicken Little. What a dumb, dumb movie. I can't even watch Scrubs without first cursing Zach Braff for his participation. I can rant on that later. Someone beg me: I'm ready...

But, thanks to the providence of the bucket, sometimes the lure of the corn gets us to a good movie we normally would have skipped. This year, we were pleasantly surprised by the simple ingenuity of Hoodwinked. We enjoyed it so much, we almost forgot to refill the bucket halfway through the film.

If you haven't already heard, it's the story of Little Red Riding Hood, but with many, many, many twists. You get to see the story pretty much like you remember, but then, you get to see it from all the involved characters' perspectives. I kept hearing Rashomon for Kids, when it came out. But I haven't seen enough Kurosawa to comment on that part...

But, I can say that this film should be viewed with the same awe as we gave Toy Story back in 1995. The story is tight, the humor is wry without being Shrek-cynical or SharkTale obvious, and the "voice talent" is actually quite charming. Yes, even Jim Belushi's weak-ish take on the German Woodsman manages to come off as near-the-mark. And, most startling, it was made for FOURTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. A feature-length, 3-D animated film (that's good...) for a fraction of the cost of a Pixar, Blue Sky, or Dreamworks film. This is ground-breaking, people. Not of the Blair Witch variety, but trust me, in terms of what might make it to market, this changes things. Let's just put it in perspective: It's half the price of Oscar-nominatedJimmy Neutron and looks as good, if not better. (Though it admittedly doesn't have Sheen or Carl.)

I don't know why the film didn't do too well. It seems like the trailers made it seem too simple, and maybe people did think it looked cheap. But here's the bottom line: This movie is a lot of fun, and you owe it to yourself to partake in the fun.

And it comes out on DVD in just a few hours. I'm gonna go get my copy at Circuit City (for 14.99), and get free Skittles with it. A lot of stores have offers to make it more enticing to buy. No one's giving away free popcorn, like when we went. But Kmart is giving away temporary tattoos. Target's got a comic book.

Go get it, watch it, and then let me know what you think. If you wanna get it through Netflix, that's fine too. Just let me know if you're planning on seeing it, and then make sure you come back after you see it. And then...

All assail!